she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
