Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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