There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
