How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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