Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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