There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
