he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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