am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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