no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
