I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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