I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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