I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone shattered a urinal.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
