I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
