I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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