Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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