we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She bit a glass in half.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
