Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
