you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
