and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
