It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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