R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
