What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
