I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i've created a new STD.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
