She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize