Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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