Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
