I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
