Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I puked a lego.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
