He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
