I think my vagina is haunted
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
