i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
