either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
