you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
