During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
