Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
