I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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