i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
