people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
