I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's shark week go big or go home
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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