I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
