My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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