Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
