How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize