I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize