im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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