i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I pour the whiskey from now on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
