Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
