how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
