So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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