loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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