Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
