dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
