I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
