We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
