I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
