Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize