i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
