Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
