I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
