It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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