Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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