She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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